IT imperialism

27 months in IT sector so far.... herz something I read long back, and understood now!...

Put five apes in a room. Hang a banana from the ceiling and place a ladder underneath the banana. The banana is only reachable by climbing the ladder.

Have it set up so any time an ape starts to climb the ladder, the whole room is sprayed with ice cold water. In a short time, all the apes will learn not to climb the ladder.

Now... take one ape out and replace him with another one (Ape #6). Then disable the sprayer. The new ape will start to climb the ladder and will be attacked unmercifully by the other four apes. He will have no idea why he was attacked. Replace another of the original apes with a new one and the same thing will happen, with ape 6 doing the most hitting.

Continue this pattern until all the original apes have been replaced. Now all of the apes will stay off the ladder, attacking any ape that attempts to, and have absolutely no idea why they are doing it.

This is how company policy and culture is formed

How stupid is SCJP oops OCPJP

I recently cleared

oracle certified professional java se 6 programmer

That sounds so great.. huh!

Some interesting facts about it..
1. 90% of IT developers are SCJP oops OCPJP out of which 90% can't explain what is "public static void main (String[] args)"

2. I cleared this exam (also) with 93% marks, not to check my Java but to put some weight on my resume

3. I cleared this exam on my 2nd attempt (what!.. wat a noob).. Is there some1 who cleared this in first attempt (without reading set of question/answer aka dumps)

4. In my first attempt, I took 2.5 hours to complete set of 60 questions and before I started (i.e, while reading 'PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU START') ..a girl (just beside me), completed her exam (that's not even 10 minutes since we entered) and passed with 98% marks.. I hardly got 56% that day.

5. A site killtest(dot)org provides all sort of dumps for such tests..legally, and therz no action (or even a single post in any xyz forum against this). Its a money back guarantee and they quote "Questions in the dumps (pdf) will come as-it-is in your exam, just mug-up and give your exam.

6. Sun (now Oracle) has not changed the set of questions to certify people since , I guess, 10 years.

7. Please study K&B, 5 times, before appearing for SCJP (oops OCPJP) and yes read dumps and get 100%. Theirz no point in being ethical about it, anyways this is a certified-useless-unethical-blab-blab certificate.

8 Your manager has to say "at least get a certificate to switch to a better profile" ("I know Java" does not matter much without certificate)

9 Sun (oops Oracle) should be happy getting revenue from selling their certificate, I dont have the stats -->but, $300 per person <--

10. Yes to get yourself SCJD (or SCEA) you have to get SCJP first, and SCJD (or SCEA) are real certificates. I dont think SCJP should be recognized at all in resumes.

kill -9 me!

My senior Snr, unix expert, who works with me!

He comes to me... and

Snr: Yaar, hi.. you updated this?
-Just made a few changes, to enhance performance, nothing altered as such, we can execute this without knowing the changes, no effect on functionality.

Snr: what have you updated, I still want to know..
-Every time, you start this script, tomcat is started and later this tomcat should be killed for faster report generation.. I just killed the tomcat before triggering report method

Snr: how did you kill that?
-I just grepped the PID for tomcat and killed it.

Snr: how did you grepped the PId of tomcat?
-Using ps

Snr: What does ps do?
-IT GIVES YOU THE LIST OF PROCESSES RUNNING

Snr: Give me the full code?
-Its not a code, herz the command, ps -ef

Snr: How did you grep the ...what?
-I piped down grep with ps

Snr: Give me the full code or syntax or command or whatever.
- ps -ef | grep tomcat

Snr: How did you kill tomcat then?
- kill -9 PID

Snr: What does kill -9 do?
[calm down Aman...]
- Sir, here is the full command I will mail you, google all the tokens in it

to: Snr@myGreatCompany.com
Sub: kill

Hi Snr,

Following line has been used to kill the running instance of tomcat
kill -9 `ps -ef | grep tomcat | awk '{printf $2}'` (press enter to execute)

Thanks
Aman, Jnr



Snr: I don't see any keyword token here?

-[M@#$%@#%#$@^@ B@#$@^$^.. 6 years experience IT snr.. F@#$#@ you!!]
- Sir, I just googled the syntax and kept it on proper place, please forgive me, I will never do this again!!!

Snr: Its ok, I knew this, even I google things down.
-Sir, same here :) Take care!

----XXX---

After this oral communication I tried to check "Snr"z R&D on server

$history
1 ps
2 ps -ef
3 ps -ef pipe grep tomcat
4 ps -ef PIPE grep tomcat
5 ps -ef Pipe grep tomcat
6 clear
7 ps -ef pipe grep tomcat
8 ps -ef pipe grape tomcat
9 kill -9 (ps -ef pipe grep tomcat)
10 kill -9 `ps -ef | grep tomcat | awk '{printf $2}'` (press enter to execute)
10 clear
11 history

$exit

Big things around me!

FB... it has more online users than google!
read again.. -GOOGLE- !!

Islam.. 235% growth rate ..and they it says 99% of hell is occupied by women.
People love all what they say?

Job switches and Job offers.. both requires experience.. deadlock?
Growth should have a separate path?

Friends.. defined most precious.. shouldn't every1 be satisfied.
precious is ..what? satisfaction is ..what?

SRK-vs-Aamir.. biggest topic for bollywood, and wht about nasrunddin shah, om Puri, Pankaj kapoor etc?
Being scholar doesn't pay you?

Smoke.. menz passion!.. and they switch brands to 'choti goldflake', when they find their brand costly.
Addiction is reality?

Tigers.. Aircel Tress.. Idea what a promotion sirjees.
anything in return they want to save tigers and trees?

Deepika padukone.. More famous than her father and shez in 'Phir Mile Sur' and spends more time (almost naked) than many great Indians like aa ..amm.... oops
Idol for youngsters?

Karan Johar.. stupid director.. still he is getting hit world wide accross languages.
Good director?

Chrome OS.. access your desktop from internet.. great feature provided good netSpeed!
do we read the disclaimer/terms&Conditions?
PS: anything saved at gmail is a copyright to google.
and, Google desktop will provide 'save all your documents/songs/movies etc. on server'

A to Z layoff.. "WARNING"

A: please do 'this' for me
Z: yes sure, my pleasure

A: Hi, can u do 'this' for me....
Z: yes sure...

A: Hi, do 'this' for me...
Z: OK

A: Do 'this' for me.
Z: OK 5 minutes

A: need 'this' ASAP
Z: will be done ASAP

A: need 'this' ASAP, inform when done.
Z: OK {after sometime} needful has been done

A: please tell me the procedure to do 'this', so that the communication gap is not involved in the process.
Z: Here is the 'procedure'. In case of issues contact me

A: 'Issue'
Z: 'Resolution'

A: Hi Z, what do you do here...
Z: 'this'
A: 'this'? I know 'this', what do you do?
Z: nothing!

How Do you know You are NET-ADDICT!

* You spend more time on your girlfriend’s home page than with your girlfriend.
* You didn’t know that Firefox was also a movie starring Clint Eastwood.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* You’ve said “no” to sex in order to view Internet porn.
* You have ur workstation and other stuffs within 1 arm distance.
* You go shopping every week, but you’ve never been inside a mall for a long tym.
* You buy newspaper but read online news only.
* You think that 404 is the number of the beast.
* You find yourself typing “com” after every word, even you press Win+R, notepad.com
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
* You crank up your surround-sound whenever leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail/pop-up message arrives.
* All of your friends have an @ in their names.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else’s links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have IRC, ICQ, or Instant Messaging.
* You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
* Your phone bill comes to your mail box only.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You don’t know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have gender-neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
* You name your children Mozilla and Dotcom.
* Your husband tells you he’s had the beard for 2 months.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
* When Cab driver ask you your address you start with 192....
* Your wife makes a new rule: “The computer cannot come to bed.”. So you file for a divorce…online.
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
* You get a tattoo that says “This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 5.0 or higher.”
* You forget what year it is.
* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 800 hours per month “unlimited.”
* You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage…so you buy another computer and add her to the network so the two of you can chat.
* You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment.
* You start blaming GTALK for not having scrolling facility.
* After booting your computer you don't touch the mouse, unless you find "Local Area Connection is now connected"
* You have 3 browsers, all of them configured with different homepages!
* You refuse to accept a CD/DVD and type the title of the same on Torrents the same evening.

Into the Wild-Shit...

Have been out of this blogging because of the following reasons:

1. AV H_stel Lab was just 2 g_ _d f_r typing. The letter '_' never w_rked there.

2. The late W!Fi facility was broadly not broad enough.

3. The "constipation" work kept me seriously busy. The work includes both the movie making and fest-faking.

4. The pink slip risk. Finally got a call to join this company!

5. My girlfriend got pregnant.. Actually not.. she was just about to be.. When suddenly I thought not to propose this 'unknown' girl, and thus I am still single.

7. I got this OCI (that's Overseas citizenship of India) and please don't dare to ask me how much I spent for this? How much "chakkars" I made to get this? What was the risk involved if I haven't received this? Am I still Indian?

8. Did you notice the missing 6th point. Good you are paying attention.

Will continue now onwards...

Aman